Birmingham Friends of the Earth Action Briefing Dec 98/Jan 99

Vernon's World

Wintervalgate - The Scandal

It is obvious that Birmingham city council is trying to undermine all that this country and the Western world stands for.

For hundreds of years mankind was ruled by nature. We worshipped nature, we even had a mid-winter festival to celebrate the shortest day. A thanksgiving in anticipation of longer and warmer days. A knowledge that candles and fires would be required less. A hope that in a few months food stocks would be replenished. Our subservience was so complete that logic was lost.

Fortunately we found religion and with its help we saw the light. With our new found logic we saw that nature was leaving us cold and dark for no reason. We should not worship nature, we should subjugate it. We fought back, with the help of technology and resources from the rest of the world, we overcame nature.

To celebrate our victory, we invented Christmas (from Christ's mass or God's pile). A celebration of our power and riches. We leave lights on non-stop for a month (even wrapping trees in them). We produce useless gifts to give to others (ensuring every gift is wrapped in unnecessary packaging). It is a show of strength letting nature know that we would rather destroy everything than be subjugated.

Yet, here in a city that outwardly supports the western way (strong car industry, exhibitions to promote the latest mass production and even burning resources and calling it recycling !) we are reminded of nature with the word 'Winterval'.

In honour of the Bishop of Birmingham's proud defence of the faith, we should introduce a Santa clause in the next Parliamentary bill banning 'Winterval'.

Lou Nassie

[The Editor would like to point out that FOE is a non-political, non-religiously aligned organisation. He'd also like to express his own (apparently minority) opinion that 'Winterval' is a fantastic concept and should be made both statutory and politically correct in combination with compulsory non-consumerism throughout its duration. See you out shopping on Solstice! :-) We return you to Vernon's World...]

Increase your word power: nine new words for Winterval

Albaniasm

A collapsed pyramid destabilises a country causing riots, starvation and deaths.

Road Tax

Primitive form of environmental costing whereby road builders pay solicitors, lawyers and security companies to evict eco-warriors from sites. A more efficient system is required.

Road Rage

Not another road being built through the Green Belt.

Green Belt

Holds up John Prescott's trousers.

Brown Field Sites

Areas where building work is discouraged as profit margins are too small. Nothing to do with John Prescott's movements.

Energy Deregulation

Encouraging the public to use more energy. Discounts available for bulk users.

Minxing It

The introduction of an animal with no predators into an ecosystem which leads to the extinction of other species.

Man Minxing

The attempted extinction of an ethnic group in an area, as practised in Serbia, Afghanistan, Turkey etc, etc, etc, etc.

Incinerator

Fourth of the governments 4 R's: reduce, reuse, recycle and burn resources.

Vernon Hadley