Friends of the Earth Birmingham Action Briefing Apr/May 98

And Finally, Vernon's World Presents....

Next Month's News

International news:

President Clinton has finally been forced to resign after his natural instincts got the better of him . He was overheard suggesting that it might be a good idea if the U.S.A cut back on its consumption . A spokesperson for the "American Way" said "Clinton had no right to question Americans' God given right to consume as much of the Earth's resources as they like . Where would capitalism be without consumers ? How can you have a commie as President of the country of free enterprise ?"

Politics:

Labour is embroiled in a new vote for homes scandal . A leaked document shows how the government is banning food products at such a rate that soon farmers' land can only be used to build cottages and houses . The Governments main opposition will be eradicated by striking at their traditional heartland . Conservationists will become an extinct species with the disappearance of the countryside . Nobody will complain about out of town supermarkets as they will be in the centre of an urban sprawl.

Environment:

Friends of the Earth has scrapped plans to name and shame FTSE100 companies which cause damage to the environment . A spokesperson said "Thousands of trees would have to be felled in order to list all the environmental damage caused by these companies . Instead we have bought a postage stamp and listed the environmentally friendly companies on the back ."

Local news:

Birmingham council have been showing their environmental credentials by inventing the recyclable "Battery Site" . It can be reused as anything from a by-pass , a McDonalds or even a hospital . A spokesperson for the council said "We do not advise the public to follow our lead as we need their bottles , cans , paper and plastics to keep our incinerator going ."

Vernon Hadley