Friends of the Earth Birmingham Action Briefing Feb 98/Mar 98

And Finally ... Vernon's World presents:

Next Month's News

Another ministerial scandal hits the government as a member of John Prescott's family is accused of supplying a £10.00 donation to Friends of the Earth. John Prescott takes the family member, who is said to be standing up to the ordeal, to the local police station. No charges are brought and there are subsequent accusations that the family member only agreed to supply the donation under duress.

Water company managers award themselves a 300% pay rise. Defending the decision a spokesperson says " We have solved the water shortage in this country. Water leaked from our pipes was absorbed into the atmosphere and was the cause of the deluge of rain in December and January. The wage increase will not affect our customers as it will be taken from savings made by abandoning all repair operations."

Jeremy Clarkson makes it known that he wishes to become a government adviser on the environment. Jeremy is heard to say, "To get the public on your side environmental issues must become more sexy. Since I began to promote large throbbing engines we have experienced milder winters and hotter summers. When I become an adviser temperatures will rise from 0 to 100 in no time at all."

It is revealed that Spaghetti Junction was the prototype for the Millenium Dome. So expect to find a race track, a canal and a number of dead bodies under the Dome when it opens.

Fashion news :The Green Belt is to be renamed and redesigned. It will be thinner and stretchable and will be called the Green Elastic Band.

Sports news : Following in the footsteps of Newcastle and Manchester United, Aston Villa express dissatisfaction with Villa Park and unveil plans to develop Cannon Hill Park as well.

That's all folks ...!!

Vernon Hadley